Welcome to Smart2Smarter

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January 19, 2011

January 19, 2011

In Smart2Smarter, learn to develop the seven SMARTER career skills and build emotional and social connections to bring your humanity into the workplace. Cynthia Kivland shares her wisdom in a practical format giving leaders, employees, students, coaches, EAP counselors or consultants the knowledge, tools and actions needed to thrive – not just survive – in the global workplace.

SMARTER Skills combine the passion of the heart with the intellect of the brain and the reciprocity of relationships. Each chapter includes activities to master the following seven SMARTER career skills:

  • Self: Do your emotions strengthen or derail your personal best?
  • Mastery: Can you master emotions, thoughts and actions to move forward?
  • Attraction: Are you attracting an environment that ignites your own and others’ personal best?
  • Resilience: Are you able to adapt, reinvent and renew during a change or setback?
  • Tolerance: Do you accept, acknowledge and appreciate your own and others’ humanity?
  • Evolve: Do you seek opportunities to innovate, initiate and improve yourself, your company and community?
  • Reciprocity: Are you able to teach and be taught, lead and be lead, receive and give?

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Resilience Moving from Blaming
to Learning from Mistakes

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May 4, 2012

May 4, 2012

Resilience: Moving from Blaming to Learning from Mistakes

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”
Friedrich Nietzche

“There are no mistakes, only learning opportunities”—and that is a great sentiment. In practice, however, our humanity often pulls us to view failures in a negative and often “blaming” light.

Could a part of the problem lie in the human tendency to blame, avoid or criticize? How can we learn anything if our emotional energy is tied up in assigning blame, avoiding accountability, or listening to our inner critic?

In my blog Career Resilience: The Art of Bouncing Back, I discussed my coaching sessions with leaders and career clients and how often they want to learn how to manage their emotional reactions to perceived failures or how to stop tolerating a culture of blame in the work place.

In the 1930s, psychologist Saul Rosenzweig proposed three broad personality categories for how we and workplaces may experience anger and frustration:

  1. Extrapunitive: Prone to unfairly blame others
  2. Impunitive: Denies that failure has occurred or one’s own role in it
  3. Intropunitive: Judges self too harshly and imagines failures where none exist

Extrapunitive and impunitive responses are common to both genders; however, due to socialization and other gender influences, women are more likely to be intropunitive.

Fortunately, leaders’ at all organizational levels can learn a SMARTER response to failure that taps into their emotional and social intelligence strengths. In “Can You Handle Failure?” (Harvard Business Review, April 2011), Ben Dattner and Robert Hogan suggest several highly effective steps that every leader and career entrepreneur can employ.

Cultivate Self-Awareness

First, identify which of the three blaming styles you use. (Note: They occur automatically and immediately, so they are unconscious emotional responses.)

  1. Do you look to blame others?
  2. Deny blame?
  3. Blame yourself?

Next, take at least one self-assessment to broaden your understanding or your emotional or social interaction style. Two assessments that I like to use in my coaching practice are the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator which identifies workstyle preferences and the EQ-i 2.0, that identifies social and emotional intelligence resilience skills. Self-awareness provides space for reflection, reframing and re focusing on how to view a mistake as a learning event.

For example, think about challenging events or jobs in your career, and consider how you handled them. What could you have done better? Ask trusted colleagues, mentors or coaches to share your reactions to, and explanations for, failures.

Pay close attention to the subtleties of how people respond to you in workplace situations. If you’re in a leadership position, be aware that what you say may be perceived as criticism, due to the hierarchical nature of your job- often referred to as “position power”. Discuss the three reactions to the blame game with your team? Then, create cultural norms that make it easy to have a conversation about what was learned from a failure? There is always a lesson to be found!

What are your suggestions for improving awareness around mistakes in the workplace and how to shift from the “blame game” to “what’s the lesson to be learned? I’d love to hear from you, leave a comment.


Cynthia Kivland, Author and President Smart2Smarter Coaching, Training and Assessment Services has over twenty five years of accomplished career coaching experience working with very smart people, leaders and teams including MBA’s, military, scientists, CEO’s, and healthcare professionals. Join Cynthia’s Career and Workplace Resilience group on LinkedIn. To have a chat about coaching, training and career resilience resources Contact Cynthia.

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Explaining Adversity
Are You Bloom, Doom, or Gloom?

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April 30, 2012

April 30, 2012

Explaining Adversity – Are You Bloom, Doom, or Gloom?

What do you tell yourself when you goof? Did you know we all have a default explanatory style? Leave it to the psychologists and social scientists to study this one!

Actually, people like me who work with clients in a coaching role, actively listen to spot the thought patterns that “pull the client down or pull the client up”. Furthermore, research demonstrates that people who are naturally resilient have an optimistic explanatory style—that is, they explain adversity in optimistic terms to avoid falling into feelings of helplessness.

The scientist who’s studied this the most is University of Pennsylvania psychology professor Martin P. Seligman. He believes most people can be immunized against the negative thinking habits that may tempt them to give up after failure. In fact, 30 years of research suggests that we can learn to be optimistic and resilient—often by changing our explanatory style.

The Three “P’s”!

In my book, Smart2Smarter, I developed a resilience assessment called “What Are You Thinking?” based on Martin Seligman’s theory of a default style of explaining events. According to Seligman, we choose to explain events using three basic dimensions of Permanence (how much you believe that something you are experiencing is permanent or temporary), Pervasiveness (situational factors cause an effect or the effect is evidence of more universal factors) and Personalization (something about you influenced the outcome, as opposed to something external to you).

Those with an optimistic mindset chose to explain setbacks as temporary, local and changeable:

  • “The problem will resolve quickly…”
  • “It’s just this one situation…”
  • “I can do something about it…”

In contrast, individuals who have a pessimistic mindset chose to explain and respond to failure differently. They habitually think setbacks are permanent, universal and immutable:

  • “Things are never going to be any different…”
  • “This always happens to me…”
  • “I can’t change things, no matter what…”

Resilience Training- From the Military to Your Workplace

The good news is that people are not born with either an Optimistic or Pessimistic mindset. One’s default explanatory style is learned behavior – through self-talk, emotional memories (iceberg stories), or by accepting other people’s behavior or words – You are smart or you are a loser OR not getting picked to be on a sport team or not getting a promotion.

Marty Seligman and Karen J. Reivich, University of Pennsylvania, developed a Master Resilience Training program for the United States Army that emphasizes positive psychology, mental toughness, use of existing strengths and building strong relationships. I applaud the program’s success! Similarly, Smart2Smarter offers workplace training, leadership coaching along with a Certified Resilience Coach program with emphasis on many of the same social and emotional competencies that our military leaders are learning.

So, what is your own or your workplace’s default “thinking style” – bloom, doom or gloom? Your comments welcomed.

 

Cynthia Kivland, Author and President Smart2Smarter Coaching, Training and Assessment Services has over twenty five years of accomplished career coaching experience working with very smart people, leaders and teams including MBA’s, military, scientists, CEO’s, and healthcare professionals. Join Cynthia’s Career and Workplace Resilience group on LinkedIn. To have a chat about coaching, training and career resilience resources Contact Cynthia.

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Teachers for Hire – Must Have EQ!

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April 2, 2012

April 2, 2012

Teacher Advertisement Written by UK 9 year olds

Head Teacher Wanted

Come to our school. It is a good school. The teachers are good, the children will welcome you and everyone will treat you well.

If you are going to apply for this job, you will have to be able to communicate with children, be respectful to them and understand their point of view. You will need to be well qualified and experienced.

You will need to be energetic, outgoing, confident, mix with people easily and understand their feelings. You will need to understand other people’s beliefs and be a calming influence on the school.

- Written by a group of UK 9 year old students

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Career Resilience: The Art of Bouncing Back

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March 29, 2012

March 29, 2012

“Some of the most important and insightful learning is far more likely to come from failures than from success.”

~ Former Procter & Gamble CEO A.G. Lafley, interviewed in Harvard Business Review (April 2011)

How we respond to setbacks and how quickly we bounce back depends on the SMARTER skill of resilience. The wisdom of learning from career adversity is undeniable, yet individuals often avoid rather than embrace the lessons of adversity. Resilience does not mean how you initially react to adverse events, but how you eventually react and learn from them.

Harvard business professor Rosabeth Moss Kanter has written many stories from business and sports about resilience in ‘Confidence: How Winning Streaks and Losing Streak Begin and End‘. Kanter is unequivocal: “One difference between winners and losers is how they handle losing.” Even for the most accomplished professionals, military personnel or college graduates, any track record of success will inevitably meet slips and fumbles.

Think of the image of a rubber band. Rubber bands get stretched and bent out of shape, yet they spring back often with a new purpose. The good news is that most of us can learn to be more resilient with training and coaching.

The Best of Times, the Worst of Times

Take the example of two MBA graduates from my coaching practice. Both we were laid off from their positions during the recent recession. These very accomplished individuals initially travelled down different paths and held opposite mindsets during career coaching.

One chose the path of fear with a fixed or emotionally hi jacked mindset. When emotions swamp the emotional brain, it lowers the ability to weigh decisions and make smarter career choices. Challenges are avoided, effort is viewed as fruitless and feedback is ignored or minimized.

The other chose the path of “hope” leading to a growth and resilient mindset. This individual did not let emotions “hi jack” their best self, they embraced feedback, and reached out to, and often expanded, a positive support system. This client embraced the job search as a new challenge, had an abundance of social and emotional reserves to persist in face of setbacks, and sought lessons and inspiration in the success of others.

The first individual spiraled into the path of hopelessness. Being fired provoked feelings of anxiety, impulsiveness, indecisiveness, avoidance and pessimism about the future. “I got fired because I can’t perform well under pressure,” he lamented. “I’m not cut out for finance; the economy will take years to recover.” Even after the market improved, he was reluctant to apply for positions and feared rejection.

The other high achiever had emotional and social reserves to bounce back, and move forward. Instead of getting stuck in “stinkin thinking”, this individual learned how to minimize negative thoughts, strengthen and attract positive emotions, and reinforce or build social reserves. “It’s not my fault; it’s the economy. I’m good at what I do, and there’s a market for my skills.” The client updated his resume and, after several interviews, landed a position.

How these individuals handled setbacks is often contingent on five career resilience competencies. In the book Smart2Smarter, Kivland discusses these five career resilience skills that are in compliance with the standards set by the National Career Development Association (NCDA), an international professional association that benchmarks competencies specific c to career development. The assessment will note your strongest career resilience competencies and your opportunities for skill improvement.

Career Resilience requires consistently and regularly practicing behaviors that sharpen and strengthen your career skills. Certified career coaches are an excellent resource to identify and then strengthen career resilience skills. The Smart2Smarter Career Community is another resource to strengthen and reinforce career resilient skills.

 

Cynthia Kivland, Author and President Smart2Smarter Coaching, Training and Assessment Services has over twenty five years of accomplished career coaching experience working with very smart people, leaders and teams including MBA’s, military, scientists, CEO’s, and healthcare professionals. Join Cynthia’s Career and Workplace Resilience group on LinkedIn. For more coaching and career resources please Contact Cynthia.

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Social Intelligence and Career Resilience:
What Employers Really Want!

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March 19, 2012

March 19, 2012

Social Intelligence and Career Resilience:
What Employers Really Want!

According to Jim Hasse, in his blog post Social Intelligence: A Skill Every Job Seeker Needs, he cites Cynthia Kivland’ s book Smart2Smarter which states “employers will hire candidates who have those “SMARTER” social and emotional intelligence skills”.

We know that employers state in job ads or position descriptions that they seek someone with “interpersonal skills” or is a “team player.” What they really want is someone who is “authentic”, civil, empathetic and positively engaging – an applicant who demonstrates “social intelligence.”

Social intelligence is more than learning how to get along or be civil with others. Social intelligence is awareness that we “catch” other people’s emotions the way we catch a cold. In his book Social Intelligence, Daniel Goleman argues “we are designed for sociability, constantly engaged in a “neural ballet” that connects us brain to brain with those around us”. We are intentionally, and often unintentionally, sending and receiving positive or negative emotions. Goleman states “high social intelligence makes good relationships act like vitamins, and low social intelligence makes bad relationships act like poisons”.

How does this matter to your career resilience? When you do or say things to increase the positive emotions of others, especially during a job interview, a “positive energy field and psychologically healthy social connection occurs. Furthermore, in the workplace, leaders with high social intelligence tend to have teams with higher creativity, problem solving, teaming and civility skills.

Conversely, the lack of social intelligence skills is an interview killer. Any display of resentment or telling of a negative story zaps the energy and optimism out of the interviewer. A toxic emotion is felt by the interviewer. Why is this important? What we know is optimism not pessimism attracts career opportunities. Interviewers are more likely to hire someone that makes them ‘feel good”. Workplaces retain employees who attract customers and high performance through optimistic and civil behavior.

So, before you engage in a job interview, interact with a customer, or inspire a team, answer these questions:

  • What can I do or say that will create a positive “feeling”?
  • How do I want others to feel during and after they interact with me?
  • What can I stop doing that can zap the energy from the room?
  • What positive career stories do I want others to remember and freely share?

 
Cynthia Kivland, Master Career Counselor, Board Certified Coach, owner and author of Smart2Smarter, is an enthusiastic advocate, coach and teacher on how to increase career and workplace resilience through social and emotional intelligence. Contact Cynthia for press, speaking requests and workplace and career resilience coaching or training.

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Tolerations and Tough Conversations

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March 5, 2012

March 5, 2012

“When conflict is ignored — especially at the top — the result
will be an enterprise that competes more passionately with itself
than with its competitors.”
~ Howard M. Guttman, When Goliaths Clash, 2003

Q: I have recently been promoted to a supervisory role and I am having a difficult time engaging in tough conversations with direct reports to avoid conflict.

A: Whether you are a new supervisor, manager or C-level leader, about 20 percent of the day is spent engaging, responding, and at worst reacting to a perceived conflict. The essence of a tough conversation requires the SMARTER skill of tolerance.

These tough conversations should be neither suppressed nor ignored by a leader. Conflict never really goes unnoticed. It may be ignored, avoided or minimized – but the emotional and social impact is always in the “room”. Tolerant communication is a two-way street, and it is social and emotional intelligence that gives any leader the interpersonal edge to not only engage in tough conversations, but model tolerance throughout the dialogue. Managed well, conflict can stimulate creativity, motivate people to stretch themselves, encourage peer-to-peer learning and help teams address that proverbial“elephant in the room.”

So how can you begin to developing the tolerant communication skills to engage in a tough
conversation? According to research from the Management Development Institute of Eckerd College in St. Petersburg, Florida, effective managers resolve conflicts by employing four key behaviors:

  1. Gaining Perspective
  2. Creating Solutions
  3. Expressing Emotions
  4. Reaching Out

As a leadership coach, and EQ enthusiast, I often use the Conflict Dynamics Profile-, a tool developed by Eckerd College. Coaching explores common conflict behaviors in the workplace, increase self-awareness of hot buttons that trigger conflict and then, learn how to respond to conflict in a respectful and civil manner. The end result is gaining tolerant communication skills that often lead to new perspectives, break through ideas, and respectfully addresses that “elephant in the room”. And the bonus for leaders is higher “approachability and leadership ratings” on employee’s surveys – which is always a good thing.

My next blog will explore Sources of Conflict.

What are common sources of conflict in your workplace? Interested in learning more about the
Conflict Dynamics Profile Contact Cynthia

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Is 2012 the Year for High Achievers to
Embrace Their Humanity?

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January 5, 2012

January 5, 2012

Is 2012 the Year for High Achievers to Embrace Their Humanity?

In my first two blogs on high achievers, Why High Achievers Flounder and Comfort Zones of High Achievers I talked about how SMARTER workplaces create a culture and emotional climate that inspires high achievers to continually grow as professionals. The last two blogs Six Step Plan for High Achievers, and Four More SMARTER tips for High Achievers, I discussed the need for high achievers to embrace humility and patience: to be willing to exhibit vulnerability and humanity.

Humanity is the gateway to a “reciprocal achievement” culture. When you Google ‘humanity’, several definitions emerge. The definition below is one I embrace:

The psychological characteristics that all normal humans have in common: It is the concept that there is a set of inherent distinguishing characteristics, including ways of thinking, feeling and acting. This includes the emotional and social characteristics of compassion, altruism, or similar positive aspects of human nature along with aggression, fear, or similar negative aspects.

To sustain high achievement, you need to be continually learning and growing, in spite of uncertainty and anxiety. You need to ask for, and receive, feedback. As a leadership coach, I utilize Marshall Goldsmith’s method of feed forward. Instead of rehashing a past that cannot be changed (feedback), Marshall Goldsmith and Jon Katzenbach coined “feedforward” to encourage spending time creating a future. The act of “feed forward” by high achievers is a display of their humanity. Leading with humanity is finding and doing the right things, in the right way, with the right time frame. It requires leaders to develop the capacity for executive wisdom and the ability to deploy it. It requires that they both see and pursue the development the essence of humanity – virtue in their own characters.

“Leaders routinely face situations for which they have no rules to guide them and all too often for which they have little or no knowledge. In these circumstances, they are always anxious and face incredible pressures to behave badly because they more often do not know what they do not know. Almost nothing is more difficult, anxiety arousing, and humiliating than for a leader to admit that he or she does not know the right thing to do.”

~ Richard R. Kilburg, Executive Wisdom: Coaching and the Emergence of Virtuous Leaders, APA, 2006

Leading with humanity takes wisdom, virtue and practice, a determined spirit and the courage to ask for help. My next blog will focus on empathy in the workplace as it fits well with the emphasis on humanity at work.

So, how can you display more of your humanity in your workplace? Would love to hear your thoughts!

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Four SMARTER Tips for High Achievers

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November 29, 2011

November 29, 2011

Four SMARTER Tips for High Achievers

In my first two blogs on high achievers, Why High Achievers Flounder and Comfort Zones of High Achievers I talked about how SMARTER workplaces create a culture and emotional climate that inspires high achievers to continually grow as professionals. In this blog, I will discuss the next four steps you or a high achiever you know can take to bring your humanity into the workplace.

The previous blog, Six Step Plan for High Achievers, I discussed the first two steps for high achievers to bring out the “greatness” of self and others.

Step one was to forget your past achievements – and failures – to concentrate on what’s needed next. Step two is to develop a support network of peers, mentors, and a coach and start asking for feedback.

When you hear recurrent themes, you know that either you’re doing something amiss, or you need to manage the perceptions people have of you. Either way, you can’t know without asking. Sometimes, however, you need to create trust before people will help you. One of Stephen R. Covey’s suggestions in his bestseller The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is to think “Win/Win.” Covey insists that trust is the essence of Win/Win, or what I refer to as the art of reciprocity. “Without trust we lack the credibility for open, mutual learning and communication… The Win/Win [high-trust approach] is the ideal springboard for tremendous synergy… It eliminates the negative energy normally focused on differences in personality and position and creates a positive cooperative energy” (1989, pp. 220-221). The third step is about reciprocity and trust.

  1. Become approachable in a high-achiever way: Learn to ask questions. Doing so doesn’t imply you’re ignorant, as long as you phrase them correctly. Let people know you’re trying to explore different perspectives and that you’d like to learn their opinions or thoughts.
    Share “idea or task try outs” with others. When you acknowledge uncertainty or own your mistakes, you’re showing your humanity. Others see you as approachable and trustworthy. When you open up to others, you become authentic- human. Others will reciprocate with their own stories, and the power of reciprocity is fueled.
  2. Focus on the long term, but concentrate on next steps: Long-term goals require a willingness to be vulnerable, often moving out of your comfort zone. Challenge your fear traps and be open to not knowing everything all the time. Embrace just learning. Be willing to leave your comfort zone to take the small steps to the bigger goal.. Most long-term goals will encounter minor setbacks. Keep your eye on the prize, and give yourself a few “mulligans” along the road to greatness.
  3. Adopt a positive mindset: Recent studies reveal that a happy, positive mindset is a prerequisite for success — not its byproduct. And a positive mindset requires emotional mastery. Start with an appreciative mindset when starting a new project, job or relationship. Focus first on what’s good about it, what you appreciate about this experience. In Smart2Smarter, I discuss the difference between the Survive Path which focuses first on problems and mounting a defense, and the Thrive Path that focuses first on possibilities and creating an offense. Try framing an assignment as a challenge instead of a problem, and you open up the emotional brain to think calmly and creatively. When your boss gives you extra work, you have two choices: feel put upon and overloaded, or take satisfaction in knowing he/she trusts you to get the job done.
  4. Embrace humility, practice and patience: To move your game to the next level or in a new direction, be willing to exhibit vulnerability and even humility. I think people often hesitate showing their humanity for fear people will see them as weak or incompetent. Au contraire, to not share mistakes and missteps means you may well risk coming across as an arrogant know-it-all. Professional growth takes practice and patience. Most of us need to move beyond our comfort zones to enjoy continued success.

For more about these steps, I suggest the book Flying without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success, by Thomas J. Delong, Harvard Business Review Press, 2011. For more tips on reciprocity, emotional mastery and resilience I suggest the book Smart2Smarter: Coaching Guide for Smart People to Bring Humanity into the Workplace (2011) or visit smart2smarter.com. My next blog will explore the power of character and wisdom in achieving greatness.

What other steps have worked for you when facing setbacks to achieve greatness? Would love to hear your ideas or feel free to contact me direct.

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6 Step Plan for High Achievers

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November 8, 2011

November 8, 2011

In my previous two blogs, Why High Achievers Flounder and Comfort Zones of High Achievers talked about how SMARTER workplaces create a culture and emotional climate that inspires high achievers to continually grow as professionals. I encounter high-achievers frequently in my coaching work and when training future coaches. This blog will discuss a six step plan for high achievers to bring out the “greatness” of self and other.

The very strengths that led you to the fast track can steer you toward poor performance. This is a paradox that can be perplexing to high-achievers. Quite frankly, I don’t see how anyone can overcome this strong pull without working with a trusted coach or mentor.

If you’ve fallen into a high-potential career stall, you’ll need to start working on a plan to get back on track for professional success. More than that, I recommend you strive to develop your SMARTER skills.

When designing a professional development plan, review these six steps which will start freeing yourself from traps:

1. Forget the past: How much are you basing your career decisions on past experiences, either good or bad? Most of us make irrational comparisons between a past bad experience and a current situation. We are notoriously poor predictors of our future emotional states.

Most of what we surmise about our past failures is circumstantial. Look at the past with a different perspective — one that takes into account randomness or luck. We are never in control of situations as much we think, and blaming — or crediting ourselves — is often irrational and inappropriate. Sure, we’ve accomplished a lot, and we’ve made mistakes. That was then; this is now. What counts is stepping up to learn new tasks and skills. An open mind — one that is willing to admit limitations, as well as strengths — means you’re available for new challenges. Too much reliance on the past will stifle your courage to “fail upward” and use missteps as learning opportunities for growth.

2. Develop and use your support network: When you pride yourself on being an independent self-starter, it’s difficult to ask for help. You tell yourself you don’t want to bother people unnecessarily. You may fear feedback because you just don’t want to hear, or the information does not align with “how you see yourself”. You may discount colleagues who do not “stroke an overinflated ego, or will not tell you what you want to hear. If so, you’re hurting your chances of stretching and growing. Instead, challenge yourself to ask respected individuals for regular feedback, even if it’s uncomfortable to hear. Ask these four questions:

  • a. What do I do that annoys you or others?
  • b. When does my behavior stall or block your greatness?
  • c. What one tip would you give me to inspire you to reach higher?
  • d. What’s been your experience getting good feedback to improve your performance? I’d love to hear from you.

In my article, Coaching Leaders to Change, I discuss Marshall Goldsmith’s model for behavioral coaching outlines a reliable process to help leaders achieve positive, measurable changes in themselves, their staff and their teams. Marshall’s Feed Forward tool is to provide you with suggestions for the future and to help you achieve a positive change in the behaviors selected by you. The Feed Forward Tool is especially suited to successful people. Successful people like getting ideas that are aimed at helping them achieve their goals.

My next SMARTER Workplace blog will detail the next four steps.

What has been your experience with giving feedback to high achievers? What other suggestions can you provide?

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How Do Emotions Regulate Life?
New Emotions as Information Model

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November 3, 2011

November 3, 2011

The idea that emotions regulate social interaction is noted in the book Smart2Smarter (2011) in the competencies of Tolerance and Reciprocity. But exactly how do emotions do this? The article “How Emotions Regulate Social Life – The Emotions as Social Information (EASI) Model“, by Gerben A. Van Kleef, shares the latest research with implications for workplaces, parents and even the political arena. For information about social and emotional, career, coaching, leadership or workplace training programs, contact Cynthia. Certified Social and Emotional Intelligence Coach program offered via Workplace Coach Institute.

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